All is Quiet

Wendy, Michael's daughter, and her labradoodles, Diamond and Nutmeg, left early Saturday morning and things are exceptionally quiet here now. It was nonstop running around here for over a week. Feeding time was a challenge, because of the dogs' individual needs. Diamond needs a different food, yet she's the one who will eat anything. Caprice and Canon like to nibble from time to time, but couldn't, because their food would be snarfed up by Diamond and Nutmeg.

Caprice, of course, is happy with the lack of activity, however, Canon got up this morning looking for his buddy, Diamond, and sat out on the grass waiting for her to join him. With Diamond here, he had nonstop playing all day long, rather than the morning and evening audiences Caprice gives him. Actually, I think Caprice was thrilled to deal with dogs that gave regard to her growls to stay of the bed or to leave her toys alone, since Canon never does. Nutmeg would balk at entering our bedroom with Caprice on her throne. Diamond was a bit braver.

Things are quieter, and admittedly easier. But I miss them.

Thanks

Of course, the list of things I'm thankful for, not necessarily in order of importance.

-Michael

-My family- That's the newest member on the left- Maxwell, my nephew Philip's and niece Crystal's new baby.

-My dogs

-All I have materially

-Friends

-The Internet- strange, but it's a source of communication and information, as well as the source of some friendships with people I like and respect

-Did I say my dogs?

-Health to to things and exist comfortably

-Being here in this place and this time

-My ability to think- however feeble that may be at times

-The ability to read and comprehend and form opinions

-Having a day to remind myself to be thankful!

Blank?

Damn! I had such a good idea of what to write about this morning-- something I was eager to develop. It's gone now!

Real Men Drink Tea on Their Birthdays

Michael's birthday this year just so happened to be the same day as the gluten-free tea at the St. James Tearoom, so guess where his birthday "dinner" was! We were lucky to have his daughter, Wendy with us, too. It wasn't the regular birthday dinner--sitting on a Victorian-style couch, sipping tea, eating little finger foods and talking with the ladies, but he was charming to all, and, I think enjoyed himself. Happy birthday, Michael.

The menu, just in case I want to remember:

Savories
served with English Breakfast Traditional Black Tea
King Edward's Smoked Turkey Salad
Queen Elizabeth's Asparagus Morsel
Queen Victoria's Fig and Brie
King Richard's Cranberry Refresher
Traditional Tea Sandwich:
Date Cream Cheese & Cucumber

Scones & Bread
served with Pumpkin Pie Scented Black Tea
Anne Boleyn's Fat Rascal with Cherry Preserves
St. James Traditional Cream Scone
with Lemon Curd and Clotted Cream

Sweets
served with Hesperides Golden Delight Scented Green Tea
Prince Phillip's Pumpkin Chai Pot de Crème
King George's Raspberry Chocolate Tart
Queen Margaret's Maple Walnut Crescent

Yum!!!!!

Cleaning Up

The washing machine is running and I'm crying. Doesn't go together, does it? (I think I mentioned crying in my last post. A trend?)

This is a special load. I am washing the sweats that I wore when, sitting on the floor of the vet's examination room, I held Rondo for the last time.

They've been sitting in a corner of my closet since March. Something couldn't let me wash away that living trace of him. I couldn't see it. I couldn't smell it, but he was there, and I remember that time. I have the box with his collar, his paw print, a piece of his fur, but there was a closer connection with this.

Maybe I'm moving on. I miss my sweet, brown boy. I'll always remember our short time together, but it's time to wear the clothes while I'm playing with Caprice and Canon, to have some good times. To keep the bittersweet memories and to make new ones.

Coffee Time

Debbie, Julie, Carol, Janie, Laura

For the past 4 or 5 years I've looked forward to my weekly visits to Starbucks (during the school year) to meet with some of my teacher friends. It started when I was still teaching at Humphrey, with Julie, Carol, and Debbie. The group's composition changes because of schedules and new invitations. Julie had to stop coming when she moved to North Star, as a result of its earlier schedule. My sister-in-law Shari joined us from time to time. This year Delora has joined us. Others as their schedules permit, or if they happen to run into us there. Coffee time has continued through my first retirement, my two years at North Star, and right into my second retirement.

I remember our first coffee when I started retirement (#1). I cried when Carol and Janie left to go to school because I felt so lonely. When I went back to work, I arranged my schedule so I could still meet for coffee on my workday. Now I can sleep later, but meeting the girls for coffee time is more important. I don't mind getting up to see these friendly faces. To tell the truth, I don't even like coffee that much, but I do like seeing my friends in the morning.

Today's coffee was "special." Julie has just gone on medical leave to have surgery for breast cancer. She's scared. We're scared. But today reminded us how strong our bond is. We will all be together again.

Not thinkin' much...

Poodle-Centric Saturday

Canon had a big day and at this moment is sleeping soundly.

First we had puppy class. I was dreading class, as we hadn't practiced. I practically have to wrestle him into a down, and we hadn't practiced recall on a long lead. The worry was unwarranted. We didn't do the down and recall in class today. Canon did, however, do something unexpected. He threw up. I don't know whether it was the exercise- hearing a loud noise and examining the object, or just that he wasn't feeling well. All I know is when I looked behind me there was a pile or undigested dog food. Oh, well, there are worse things to clean up.

His day wasn't over. The Enchanted Poodle Club held its meeting at Bow Bow Blues, a dog store with a nice fenced in area. At least 14 poodles, mostly standards ran loose and played the whole time, without incident. It was a joy to watch! Canon and Roxy, who should have been tired from class, didn't let up for a moment. They played with big dogs. They played with each other. I got to meet some wonderful poodles, who were more interested in my attention that my own dog.

Canon met a girl! Minnie is a silver pup, about a month younger than Canon and Roxy, who will be 5 months in another week. The three pups seemed to enjoy each others' company. Minnie is a marvel, the way she jumps in the air and enjoys herself, holding her own with the big dogs.

I've always wanted a poodle ranch, where dozens of poodles play. This is the closest I've gotten to it!

We ambled and dawdled...

...instead of dashed at today's Doggie Dash and Dawdle sponsored by NMAHA. It was Canon's first big social event and I was very proud of both Canon and Caprice who seemed to enjoy their outing, but maintained very respectable behavior for the most part. Their favorite part seemed to be meeting other poodles near the Enchanted Poodle Club's booth.

They turned especially joyful when they met their friends Jasper and Roxy (Canon's sister). It was obvious the four dogs knew each other by the tail wagging, jumping, and rolling around andplaying done by Canon and Roxy (and I got a nice kiss from Jasper).

In the end, we passed on the official 2 mile walk. By the time it came around, our two pups had strolled and done much visiting, so we took a very limited dawdle up the road and back.

Canon was much admired and both were repeatedly praised for their looks and good behavior. On the way out the visited with Louie Lobo, which Canon took in his easy going way and which Caprice was not thrilled with. It was an encouraging day. My dogs are great, and I'm not the only one who thinks so!

Balance

I just finished making dinner- pasta with butternut squash, onion, garlic, a little Parmesan cheese, toasted pinon nuts, and salt and pepper. I was tempted to add some red pepper and some goat cheese to make it creamy, but decided enough was enough. The flavors were already balanced. While I was eating I chose this as my inspiration for my writing tonight, but I'm really not talking about my cooking.

Balance was always been a guiding force in my teaching. Balance in the types of activities- sitting and active, speaking, writing, reading, listening. I chose to include each of Gardner's multiple intelligences- artistic, movement, verbal, mathematical...

So, the meal made me wonder if there is balance in my life. Maybe it's not there. I spend so much of my time at my computer. Free choice reading is usually mysteries with female detectives. So much of my time is spent with my dogs, caring for my dogs, talking about my dogs.

Is there any balance? When I "create" a dish rather than follow a recipe, I think of a balance of tastes and ingredients. Visually, I think I look for balance in shape, color and weight, which may be why I have so much trouble hanging pictures in my house. Do Michael and I balance each other-- he, the talker, me the listener? Caprice and Canon, black and white.

I'm now on a balance hunt. What is balanced? Where can I add balance? And ultimately-- how important is that balance?

Give me my daylight!

This is very simple. I like my daylight. I like the sun. The end of daylight savings time messes with my life. The dogs get up an hour earlier and want to be fed at 4. Michael, too!) I twiddle my thumbs figuring out what to do when it turns dark. No good TV yet. Too early for me to sit and read. I can't run out in the dark and pick up the day's dog poop. I should have planned for earlier. I don't want to go anywhere.

Be prepared for six months of whining...

Flags

This is a video of the Tibetan prayer flags at the Bone Cancer Dogs Angel Ceremony. There's no action, nothing amusing or terrifically interesting, but meaningful to me or someone who was there. Rondo's name is somewhere after 2 minutes.

Halloween with the Old Farts- apologies to my friends

We've spent the last few Halloweens with our friends, Becky (devil) and John (green hat). We don't do a lot of crazy stuff, but celebrate a tradition of half-assed costumes and an activity.

I dress minimally (costume-wise, not amount of clothing). Michael always suprises me with something clever, but simple. This year he clipped a yellow flashing light on his fly and called himself a flasher. Becky, probably enjoys the costumes the most. My favorite is her granny on the back costume, which this year, she said, had a hole in it.

Our first year of celebration we went to a Haunted House, standing in line forever to get in. One year we carved pumpkins. This year we dressed up and went to see Dracula, The Musical, a campy melodrama where we could hiss and boo and cheer.

We rarely stay up late. We don't get into trouble, and don't even trick or treat, but it's nice to have a comfortable, easy tradition to share with friends--even if we're home and in bed by 10.

Snow, snow, go away/Mini Memory

I am not a fan of snow. I don't ski; I don't like to slide around; I don't like the grey skies, and I especially don't like to be cold. It looks nice. The beauty of a day where the sun shines on clean, sparkling snow is unique. Fresh snow tastes good. It was even fascinating today to watch the big flakes floating down. But snow is a symbol for winter and I just don't like winter. It speaks to me of hibernation and death, things slowing down and stopping, COLD. Let someone else praise the snow. I'll think tropical.

Snow reminds me of December 2006. My mother died right before Christmas. While we were going through this, the Fed-Ex delivery man slipped on my front walk, which I had been unable to clear entirely. The fear of a lawsuit was, of course, in my mind, especially since the man's wife came to our door while I was away, hoping my insurance company would help, since Carlos couldn't work and workman's comp was minimal. Michael talked me into taking the food left at my mother's house to the family. Because of timing and workman's comp issues, Carlos had to wait a week before surgery and the casting of his leg. This was not going to be a good Christmas for his family. I'm so glad we went to meet these very nice people. Everyone is not litigious. People can even be kind to each other in trying circumstances.

I still hate snow.

Big Dog Parents

One of the many things I came home from the BCD Reunion with is an extra-special place in my heart for big dog owners. The commitment it takes to handle a pair of tall, heavy dogs is more than one might think- feeding them, making them comfortable, exercising them. Add special needs, and it is amazing the work these people put in.

There were two pairs of extra large dogs at the reunion. One was Molly and Dozer, the Great Danes cared for by Cindy and Will. Dozer is a tripawd, seen here resting his backside on Cindy's lap at the U of Wisconsin Veterinary School. I watched Cindy and Will blow up an air mattress for their dogs to rest on, wipe drools, get them in and out of the car, feed them with homemade food they carted from home, exercise them, and most of all, love them. I can't think of any more of an inspiration than these people. How could Dozer not be my hero when I see this giant of a dog making his way on three legs. Gentle giant has true meaning here.

Karen and Adrian, from Colorado, brought their mastiffs, Theo and Olivia, again, friendly, gentle dogs. It amazes me that these people commit to these large breeds, who have an increased probability of developing bone cancer. Karen's and Adrian's Albion, indeed, succumbed to the disease. I believe Theo and Olivia are cancer free right now.

I have always been committed to my dogs, but these people really show committment and love. I have the ultimate respect for them for this.

Flags, Wine and Helium

They don't go together. Not really, but they do signify the end of this reunion for me.

Every year the reunion honors the dogs that have passed in the preceeding year, but this year all 600+ that were part of the group since its beginnings five years ago, those gone as well as the survivors were honored by having their names posted on Tibetan prayer flags and having their names read. Each person read the names listed on the flag he or she held. That one little name, Rondo, was so difficult to read without tears, which then continued for the other dogs on my list. The flags were strung together and mounted on two poles, so we could look at them all. This was our second visual reminder of the number of dogs who have gone through this group. The names were also posted on a banner that hung in our meeting room.

The end of the Bone Cancer Dogs reunion. Did I end it with tears? With sneaking out so I didn't have to say goodbyes? I had to end a serious day with the sillies to restore balance. Nothing profound. Nothing I'm proud of, but different than I've played the rest of this weekend. Finished the bottle of wine (there was only a little) and sucked in a little helium for entertainment.

Of Meetings and Tears

It's late, and I don't know how to describe my feelings about my time in Madison so far. It seemed odd meeting people I knew only through the Internet, but somehow, it's fairly easy. Some have turned out how I envisioned them, others not, but it's an interesting experience. There are dogs here as well as people- mastiffs, sheepdogs, great danes, and more. Much of of conversation centers around dogs, but that's OK. Starting points are always OK. It was hard for me to see the tripawds, because it reminded me of Rondo's struggle. I envy these creatures, who are especially beautiful to me, because I know wha love and commitment they "stand" on. I felt my eyes getting moist every time I looked at one.

This morning we toured the University of Wisconsin's Veterinary Teaching Hospital. The University is amazing to me, because it's obvious how much the place is spread out. I almost feel like a hick, someone used to a vet's office with four examination rooms, and then seeing these facilities. Dr. Ruthanne Chun talked to us about bone cancer and its treatment. I wondered why records aren't kept about the incidence of OS in breeds, and geographically. I still wonder about environmental causes, but this wasn't mentioned at all. I toy with the idea of attempting to gather that information, although I don't have a clue of how to start, or if that's in my reach. On the other hand, researchers focus on finding out how cancer works, and how to slow it down, or kill it. Is my interest more of a curiosity? If environmental causes were discovered, could/would we do anything about them?

Notable to me (and probably all of us) this evening was the tribute/memorial to the dogs of the attendees. I wept when there was nothing to weep at during the photos of the previous four Bone Cancer Dogs reunions. Then I found myself looking for Rondo's photos. It had been a long time since I sent them, and I didn't remember all of them. I wish I had taken more! Photos of Rondo having fun, rather than posing for me. Photos of Rondo and Caprice playing. Photos of Rondo biting my hair, or laying on top of one of us on the bed. All those moments missed.

Canon and Caprice are helping me move past my grief, I thought, but it's certainly all here tonight. An e-mail from Karen tells of a poodle being strangled after her collar caught on the tooth of her playmate. My tears haven't stopped for a half hour, and I'm pretty sure it's not all because of the death of a poodle I never knew. I grieved for a long time for my father. This seems harder. More reminders?

Why am I in the airport, heading for Madison?

I'm sitting in the Denver airport right now, waiting for my plane to Madison, WI, for the Bone Cancer Dogs reunion. This trip started out the same as usual, getting things together and packing the day before, ironing clothes at the last minute, up relatively late with little sleep. Out of bed at 4:30 and driving to the airport, I didn't have the time or wit to think about where I'm going.

Not until we were approaching Denver did I think about all of this. My initial reaction, upon seeing snow on the ground over the mountains as we made our approach over the mountains, was that I forgot the appropriate shoes for walking around and in inclement weather. Oh well, my walking shoes, while not attractive, will do. Then I got around to the real stuff. Susan W. was on my plane. That reminded me that she knows Louanne, who bought a painting from her. Louanne is the veterinarian's tech. She helped take care of Rondo and was there when he died. Now the tears are forming in my eyes. That's one of the reasons I'm on my way to Madison-- to pay tribute to my boy, and meet the people who supported me during and after the battle. How's that for a connection? Does that mean anything?

I am questioning myself. I decided to do this way back in May, when I was still raw from Rondo's death. I do want to meet everyone, but now I'm wondering if I'm extending my grief by making this trip. Suddenly the feeling of commitment to the Bone Cancer Dogs group is waivering. Should I move on--enjoying Caprice and Canon and leaving the tears behind? I don't know the answer to that question yet. I have to wait, but I also have to be in this moment, this reunion. Maybe the answers are here.

Canon Goes to School

Canon attended his first session of puppy kindergarten today- 3 standard poodles, 3 German shepherds, 3 king cavalier spaniels and two Australian shepherds. Guess who, in my opinion, was the most difficult kid in class? Mr. Canon, so interested in the other dogs and people, had absolutely no interest in the treats I had brought to bribe him into obedience. Suddenly sit had no meaning. Forget following the treat from his nose to my face. Not interested!

The instructor, Evi Fox, thinks that I have a stubborn one, one who needs a strong leader. We're moving straight to the prong collar tomorrow. I'm glad I didn't wait until he was older to start puppy class. We need to get to work!

Evi is not a fan of walking your dog out in public where there are other dogs, sometimes uncontrolled. She pointed out to Nancy and me that white dogs are a predator's delight, easy to see and look like sheep. She pointed out to the small dog owners that little dogs look like toys to big dogs. Not going to change my mind, but something to remember...

The good news is that Canon showed his good nature and social skills, and got along with everyone. He did well on the ride to and from in the back seat with his sister, Roxy. We'll work on the rest.

The Sunny Side

Caprice and I just returned from our walk through the park. It's a beautiful New Mexican autumn day- a slight tinge of cool with the warmth, sun shining, blue, clear sky. The grass was a crisp green; the trees, still with leaves, had that same crispness. I took my sunglasses off. The grass was now a faded green; the trees were faded as well. My glasses didn't need to be rose colored to view my surroundings in a positive light. The very point that I needed sunglasses meant that the sun was shining and the world was well. Take one analogy as needed.