War and Peace

Not All Happy Endings

Ellen was someone I didn't see often growing up, but our families were friends, and so we were, too. We entertained each other at my grandparents' house at Passover, and at family visits. After we grew up, we ran into each other once in awhile. Since we were both teachers, we always had something to talk about. One of those onces was at a party where I introduced her to an ex-boyfriend of mine (not one that I minded being an ex). The next thing I knew they were getting married. Not a good idea, I thought, but I kept my mouth shut. The short marriage brought Ellen what she wanted most-- a child. Her husband, not at all child oriented, agreed to adopting a child. When the marriage ended, Ellen still had what was important to her, her son. I heard stories about the son from time to time. He was wild. Ellen's mother, who they lived with for a time, was afraid of him. And then I didn't hear anything about Ellen for a couple of years.

Last spring, Ellen disappeared. She didn't come to school. Her dogs were left alone. Her car was found in another apartment complex. Her son was a suspect in her disappearance, but he had an alibi. He was in jail. Last Friday Ellen was found- buried in the Jemez mountains, murdered by her son's wife and friends because she had turned her son in for stealing from her.

Not a close friend, but her life touched mine. It's violence too close. Tragic. Creepy.

Do I offer my condolences to people I've not had contact with for 20 years? Do I keep her memory to myself?

Godspeed, Ellen. Goodbye.

Repository of Memories

I feel so much joy when I look at my two poodles playing together, sleeping, sitting near me, but tonight I have tears streaming down my face. Several dogs in the Yahoo Bone Cancer Dogs group have died, and their people have posted lists of what they remember the most about their pups. This took me back to my 10 things I remembered and loved about Rondo. I added to it, but some of those memories are gone now, and perhaps I feel like I've short changed my boy. That's part of the reason I'm blogging- to preserve thoughts and memories. For whom, I don't know, since I certainly don't have (or want) wide readership. As far as I know, Julie is my only reader, and that's fine. So every time I think I have nothing to say, I want to remember, that this is a place for memories.

One of Today's Memories:

When I'm in the office, Canon often sleeps under or beside my desk. He was sleeping there when I went across the street to check the mail. As I was heading for the front gate, I heard an unbelievable amount of squealing/crying coming inside from Canon. I ran back to the office. Canon, who had been sleeping along the front of the desk, had become wedged in the opening. Where he used to be small enough to slip through the opening, he's now big enough to be a tight fit. I would guess it scared him, as his cries scared me. It was fairly easy to slip him out, and now all is well in his world.

Deep and Shallow

I really only follow one blog- that of a family I know where the father is preparing for a bone marrow/stem cell transplant. They have very kindly chosen to share the experience with friends and well-wishers. What can I write that won't seem frivolous next to that?

I am looking at two weeks as the only human in my household. This is both a refreshing breather and a time facing an empty space here. Right now the pups are sleeping, so this is truly a breather. I love them dearly, but it's a relief to not be worrying about peeing, carpets, food, exercise, sore legs, attention, and the rest of the gamut for awhile. Sleep is refreshing- not only when one is the sleeper, but also when others are. does that make me the sleepee?

Weathered Thoughts

Summer disappeared today. Since I live in New Mexico, I know that we probably still have a month of warm weather left after we get past that rainy stuff. As Michael says, "It's State Fair time. Of course it's raining."

When I was working, I always wanted to see the Weather Channel in the morning so I'd know how to dress. Some days now, it's surprises, and it doesn't matter what I wear.

The rain and wet lawn don't bother Canon at all. I don't even think he feels the rain through his fuzzy puppy coat. His only problem was when Caprice was chasing him. Several times his wet paws took him sliding down the cement outside and tile inside. Caprice doesn't care for wet, but the cooler weather made her more energetic and interested in chasing Canon. How did he escape? More wet. He jumped into the middle of the small kiddie pool. No way Caprice would come there, and he already knows it.

If it's September, it must be time for...

Green Chile!

One of the things that makes me feel especially New Mexican is picking up my roasted green chile from Farmers Market, bagging it, and stuffing the freezer. A year ago I bought a freezer to put in the garage, and at the moment, the main contents are the baggies full of the 70lb of roasted chiles we picked up today. We peeled and tasted a few, still warm from roasting. Definitely the way to have your green vegetables! The temptation was there to have a green chile and mayonnaise sandwich, as I used to as a kid. The house smelled of their crisp, smokey scent all day as the bags of chile laid all over the kitchen counter cooling and awaiting their trip to the freezer. I felt accomplished as I stowed the last bags away.

What was for dinner tonight? Green chile cheese veggie burgers, with the new chiles, topped with guacomole, made with the new chiles. I'd been hoarding our last bag of chile from last year's crop- wouldn't let Michael use it, in case I wanted to make chile rellenos (gluten-free, of course!). Now they're in the fridge, up for grabs.

Bargain Box

Today was one of the days I volunteered for the Assistance League at their Thrift Store. I enjoy working there- getting to talk to people who are thrilled with their bargains, some who have unique plans for their treasures, some who are doing their best to make ends meet, some who come for the thrill of getting good deals.

Today was a little different because it was Tuesday. On Mondays the store is closed so that the committee can do heavy stocking and make new displays. Regular shoppers know that Tuesday is the day to find new stuff, and the store is definitely busy. Since it's the end of the summer season there were lots of bargains. Today there wasn't time to admire customers' purchases and chat. There was a lot of time at the cash register, ringing up and folding clothes, packing them into recycled grocery bags, and picking up the clothes and hangers shoppers had left around the store. The sales were certainly more impressive-- over four times what we take in on my usual Saturday shift, but there was no time to be a person and enjoy people. Now is that a metaphor for life?

Plants for Poodle?

Plant zero. Poodle one.
Is it a federal offense to destroy a poodle nest?

Givers and Takers

Several years ago I attending a week long personal development "camp." The group had been there a day, when we had to go around a circle and label each participant as either a "giver" or a "taker." I don't know who put the bad connotation on "taker," us or the seminar presenter, but it was certainly there. It was quite uncomfortable to label people based on an overall impression. In some cases, this determined relationships for the rest of the week.

I don't know if we see ourselves accurately as givers or takers. It's like the self-centered person not realizing he's self centered. We need to learn to give AND take, appropriately and graciously. Imposing one's own wants when one gives (i.e., "You should have this...), is not a gift! One who says, "I give and give, and get nothing back," is not really giving.

I've been thinking a lot about balance- in nature, in life, in what we do. This is part of it.

Wondering...

Why is it that self-centered people never realize that they're self-centered? Does that mean I'm self-centered? Is wondering about being self-centered self-centered? When we think about ourselves, how we appear to others, is that self-centered?

Sweet Sunday

Even though I'm no longer working, Sunday is a sweet day-- at least this one was. This is merely a catalog of what I did today, but a reminder of the joy of relaxation and simple pleasures.

Canon's sister, Roxy came to visit, so there was rough stuff--in miniature. Roxy was in unfamiliar surroundings at first, so Canon became the aggressor, but not for long. Once adjusted, things looked a lot like they did at home in Utah-- Canon on the bottom, tough girl on top. Puppy watching is a nice way to start the day.

Lunch was at El Pinto with Harriet and Steven, who were revisiting Albuquerque. I haven't seen Harriet for 11 years, since they moved away. This was another Facebook success. I found Harriet's daughter on FB and was able to connect to Harriet. We saw a couple of other people we knew at El Pinto. There's something satisfying about running into people you know at unexpected places.

Napping on the floor with Canon. Tres uncomfortable, but nice at the same time.

Who needs a life cycle?

My first grand-nephew was born Thursday night! How wonderful and how strange that my young nephew Philip now has a son. It of course reminds me of the Circle of Life, and I have to admit, I hate the idea. Puppies and babies are fine, but as I find myself at the other end (and end is exactly what I mean) of that circle, it doesn't make me happy in any way.

Losing my parents in 2001 and 2006 was, of course, hard. What seems to be hard for me now is knowing that I am the oldest in my immediate family-- next in line, so to speak. No wonder I'm afraid to go to a doctor. Michael went for a check-up recently and had a glimpse of his mortality. I am more than aware of it. Knowing I need to make arrangements for my demise-- will, plans for the dogs, and the unspeakable, death wishes.I'm sorry. I can't speak of the beauty of the life cycle.

It scares me shitless!

One Track Mind

I honestly don't want this to be an all dog blog, but my life is so full of dog right now!

There's what to feed them: Raw chicken bones great for the teeth, but it worries me, Caprice's adjustment to raw, especially. Kibble- Caprice is eating Canon's and none of her own, and Canon is more interested in Caprice's ID with chicken soup. I finally gave up and let each eat whatever. There may be hell to pay for that.

There's how they play-- or not: Canon chasing the ball. Zoomies. Barking.

Dog poop: It reminds me of the word scatomancy. I'm not telling fortunes, but do get a health report. Yes, I am crazy!

Sleeping arrangements: When is that crying going to stop?

And most of all there is love-- so much I could burst!

Progress

He's less afraid. She's interested in playing...a little. I'm tired.
A little less crying last night, but a ways to go. He's slept most of the day today. I wonder if that means trouble tonight.
Tomorrow--the vet.