Friday, April 30, 2010

Popcorn Memories

It's been a pretty mundane afternoon-- very windy, a few snowflakes floating around.  I'm just finishing munching on some popcorn that Michael made.  (Yes, Caprice and Canon had a few kernels, too.)  I guess you could say that's his signature dish.  He makes it often, sometimes almost daily.  If I've been out of the house, I can always tell that Michael's had his popcorn.  The warm smell lingers in the house for hours.

Popcorn was my father's favorite snack, too.  He put it in athe big, yellow glass bowl.  I remember him lieing on the couch in the family room, munching, and later leaving it on the bar for later, or the next day.  This is, perhaps, a bittersweet memory, as I think my father was putting the popcorn popper away in a lower cabinet when he had the stroke that eventually ended his life.

Movie popcorn and an orange drink.  I don't do that in the movies anymore, partly because I only drink diet sodas now,  partly because it just doesn't appeal to me, although the smell certainly does, and partly because we rarely go to movies.

Popcorn disasters:  Learning to use the stir-pop with the well for melting butter--I didn't know the popcorn needed the air vent, and covering with the plastic lid would make it soggy.  An uncovered popper when the corn was hot enough to pop.  Burnt popcorn- popper, microwave (especially) and Jiffy Pop on the stove.

Popcorn balls- my favorite trick-or-treat or Christmas booty, especially when wrapped in colorful Saran wrap.

School projects- counting, predicting, making and selling flavored popcorn for a project early in my teaching career.  That, in turn, reminds me of the push for career education 30-plus years ago.  That, in turn, reminds me of the beginning of my teaching career, my first job, my first principal.

From hunger to sad memories to ones that bring a smile.  A kernel is worth a few hundred words.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

I am my Mother! EEEEEK!

This is something no daughter who didn't get along with her mother wants to admit.  My admission today is not a surprise to members of my family and Michael, and is not at all flattering to me.  I know I am critical like my mother was.  Even a compliment from her didn't sound like a compliment.  I am picky about my house like her (yet a slob at the same time, if that's possible).  I say the same things: "It wouldn't take any more effort to put the dish in the dishwasher instead of the counter."  (That's all I can remember for now.)  I snack when I'm not hungry. 

Now, something worse.  I am developing my mother's body.  The round tummy and extra ripples around my middle.  The dry legs.  How did this happen?  I always prided myself on taking better care of myself than my mother did, so I'm rather appalled by this.

This is depressing!  I don't quite know how to handle it.  Maybe a list of some ways I'm different from my mother would help.

-I do get exercise.  I go to the gym.  I walk my dogs.  I like walking.
-I do know what a balanced meal is and don't use a lot of processed foods. 
-I am compassionate (most of the time).  I help others.
-I have close friends and am open with them.
-I am playful and can have fun.
-I adore my dogs.

Ideally, I'd write a long, long list.

I also need to remember that some of the ways I'm like my mother aren't negative.  It's OK to take pride in your house.  It's OK to have standards.  Maybe I need to stop thinking about all of this and become the best Barbara I can be.


Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Catching Up with Caprice

Somewhere along the line, my joyful, energetic puppy, Caprice, became less than that.  I don't know if it's the Addison's disease, second poodle, or something else.  It could be that she's four now, but I don't think that's it.  She prefers to lie down, doesn't chase or catch a ball like she used to, a lies down quietly, mouthing a soft toy.  She is just as likely to lie down and bark muffled barks when she hears someone outside and to rush out barking.  She will chase Canon at times, but often will bark and snap at him while he bothers her.  In a group of playing dogs, she will often stand back and watch.  My vet doesn't have any answers for me, thinking it's just her maturity, and I prefer not to do anything invasive to see.

So, my charge is to teach her how to play again.  She will sometimes get interested in the two toy game I am playing with Canon, so my plan is to play it with her, without Mr. "It's All Mine!" in the vicinity.  Michael plays with her when Canon is at school.  Today I put up the tunnel.  She's finally comfortable with it and runs through it for the potential treat at the end.  It makes us all happy.  Canon, of course, likes to be in on things.  He accompanied her through the tunnel several times.  Fine.  As long as my girl is happy, I'm happy.

As much as I love my dogs, sometimes I just go along with my life and treat them as an accessory-- beings for me to cuddle, pet when I think of, accompany me on a walk.  I need to remember that I need to take an active role in making them happy and healthy, beyond the daily walk and feeding them.  I need to make time to play.  Make that times to play.  That's my job!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Something-o-phile

I like to read.  Mostly I read for plot, but I just can't help admiring good writing, the kind that paints pictures in my mind, that gives me words to savor.

I like to write.  My approach to writing is similar to the way I read, get the plot.  Get down what you need to say.  That's why journalism was eventually my choice in college.  Neat and to the point, where you had to limit the number of words.

So, then, I appreciate those word crafters , who let me savor the phrases, sentences, passages that they put together.  Authors like Barbara Kingsolver and Geraldine Brooks (those are two that quickly come to mind, although there are many others) entertain and involve me.  Then there are those who communicate beautifully in writing.  My friend, Julie, who shares her wisdom with the Bone Cancer Group, and with me is one of those.  She recently began a blog, and I'm looking forward to reading more. 

I am a connoisseur of many things I don't produce well.  Music and art come to mind first.  I get by with writing, and sometimes I can create word pictures that entice others, but  I especially appreciate gifted word crafters.  I'm looking for a word that describes this appreciation.   A member of my book group says it is part of our "bookiness."  The name for a word lover is "logophile."  It's not quite my word.  I'll keep looking for it.

The Finger (not what you might think!)

Yesterday was another Enchanted Poodle Club meeting with dogs at Bow Wow Blues.  Canon got to come without Caprice since she didn't seem to especially enjoy it last time.  He's a wild man by the time we get to the entry gate, pulling without any regard for anything else besides those dogs in there.  Unfortunately, I'm the one who had to release his pinch collar.  I used it because I know he'd be pulling like crazy.  I had the vague recollection of having trouble unfastening it the last time we came.  It was even worse this time.  I got my finger caught in the links as he was pulling.  If I hadn't been able to get it out eventually and let go of him, I think I would have lost my finger.  And so, my wild boy/man raced around the other dogs dragging his leash while I coddled by throbbing index finger.  Eventually it took two others to catch him and release the leash.  Later Nancy was able to take off the pinch collar.  Notwithstanding, Canon had a good time.  While not a major player, he flitted from group to group, socializing with his breed.

And so, this is my time to whine.  It hurt!  It still hurts.  There is bruising under my fingernail.  Yesterday I couldn't even take many pictures because it hurt to press the button on my camera.  I did minimal typing on my computer because it hurts to press down on the keys.  Poor me.  Canon is angelically lying on a cushion right now as I type this.  How can I hold a grudge?  (But next time there will be no pinch collar!)

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Belated Trek

Actually, all my movie reviews would be belated, because we view on Netflix-- when I get around to ordering.  Tonight's move was Star Trek and I loved it.  Maybe I liked it because it was like visiting old friends and finding out something new about them.  It was comfortable being with them and learning their history.  The special effects drew me in as well.  What really blew my mind was the concept of time overlapping.  I don't really understand it all, but I found it intellectually interesting-- something to revisit when I can think clearly and play with ideas.

I rarely watch movies or read books more than one time.  My relationship with the 2009 Star Trek  may be different.  It may even send me back to the original series.


Agility .001


Today Canon started Puppy Agility Class.  No sweat, huh?  He's in an advanced (maybe intermediate) obedience class where he's doing well, has a tunnel in his backyard, has the comfort of his sister Roxy being there, and is one of the oldest in the class.  Well, here's how it went...

Class exercises:

-Getting attention by calling his name and rewarding him- no way was he interested in looking at me and getting treats- all those potential new playmates!
-Sitting on both sides and rewarding (you use opposite hands from obedience)- ditto for caring about that
-Play with two identical toys, moving from hand to hand, as he plays with one, move it behind the back and pull out other toy so he moves back and forth.  Canon’s version- ignore those stupid toys; the visla next to us (with a muzzle, no less) is much more interesting.  Note:  We tried playing at home, where he was more interested in the toys, but was smarter than the game. He went behind my back so he could keep playing with the one toy he had already caught.
-"Touch me"- hold one hand out until dog touches hand with nose, then reward
-Walking on a plank on the floor- when dragged part way, he made it.  Good boy!
-Going through a very short tunnel-his best, as expected
-Walking through the rungs of a flat ladder- GOOD BOY! walked in most of the rungs
-Sit and recall- not bad

Canon’s exercises:
-Don't look at mom when she calls my name--Let them think I'm really some other dog
-Looking around and trying to play with other dogs
-Sneaking around to play with the dog behind us when I wasn’t looking
-Seeking out the other poodles to play with (his sister, Roxy, and a younger poodle pup are in the class)
-"Touch me"- wait until mom touches my nose with her hand and then let her reward me
-Whining when we weren’t doing anything
-Make mom think I'm going to break my stay and embarrass her- Heck, why not just do it!
-Making it look like we haven’t gone to an obedience class in his little life (he’s in advanced obedience)

People say it will get better and I have to believe.  This makes obedience classes look easy!

Friday, April 23, 2010

A Wild Birthday, as well

You'd think that all I cared about on my birthday was eating,  Well, maybe so...but actually we went to one of my favorite places on Wednesday-- the zoo.  If only there weren't so many school groups there-- it would be less wild.

Happy GF Birthday to ME

Most people don't stick the words gluten-free into their conversations that often.  They seem to appear more often in mine.  Having food that tastes good to me AND seems like the "normal" food I used to eat before being diagnosed as a celiac makes occassions more special to me.  So, of course, Michael took me to Paisano's for my birthday dinner.  There's not a lot of pasta variation there- the gluten-free is of one kind-- halfway between angel hair and spaghetti, but I can have it so many ways.  Al la carbonara is one of my favorites, full of fat from the cream and bacon- salty, tasty, and something I don't make at home.
Paisano's, you make my day.  Someday I'll come in hungry enough to try a dessert- Italian wedding cake, molten lava cake, canneloni.... Lunch is a treat there as well-- meatball or sausage sandwich with homemade potato chips--no matter that the bread falls apart like most of the gluten-free ilk.  It's a sandwich in a restaurant.  That's a big deal for me.  Paisano's has single-handedly made eating gluten free out bearable for me. 

My gluten-free birthday held another gf gift for me (besides the brownies I made myself for my birthday.  I entered a drawing on someone's GF blog and won!  On Wednesday I received a box of assorted gluten-free pastas- lasagna, ravioli, gnocchi.  It's been well over ten years since I've tasted some of these things.  Look what's available now!  I don't know what they taste like yet, but I'm eager to try.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Time for Memories and a Few Tears

This isn't the best way to get back to my blog, but one I feel I need to write.  I just found out that one of my parent's friends, Bob Katz, has died at 92, a respectable age, I know, but I grieve nonetheless.  Whenever one of my parents' friends dies, it leaves me grieving for them (I must admit, especially my father) again. It's another door closing on my secure childhood, another reminded that I am the adult now, the oldest living generation. 

Bob was at my parents' wedding, lived around the corner most of my life, and was my dentist.  Pammy and I grew up together, as did Mark and Richard.  He was a nice man, the kind of dentist who kept talking during the examination and cleaning.  He could show his temper.  My memory is a bit weak in regards to this incident, but I believe he slapped either me or Nancy when we fussed too much at the dentist. 

His wife, Polly, was hard as nails, but good-hearted, too.  She was involved with German shepherds and obedience training.  She guided my father through showing Gigi, our first standard poodle. Polly was equally in love with her little chihuahua, Jose, who she taught to smile, among other things.  Polly died of lung cancer quite a few years ago.

Several times when my parents went out of town, I stayed with Pammy, at the Katz's.  I remember their house well.  The living room was always blocked with dog jumps, designed to keep the dogs out.  Mark was the terror of the neighborhood.  Five years younger than I, he still made me nervous when I had to drive him to Hebrew school.  Mark died from pneumonia couple of years ago. 

I have a lot of little memories, but they are fading, as is my past, the core of my childhood.  I shed tears for Bob and for me...

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Getting Up to Date

It's been a long time since I've blogged.  I got out of the routine of making myself write every night.  There were many days I thought I had nothing to say, but in retrospect, there was quite a bit.

Most recently (yesterday, actually) it was Caprice's 4th birthday.  We took the dogs to the park we used to walk at, and then to Starbuck's and Three Dog Bakery.  A large pit bull mix was having a family birthday party and shared a piece with Caprice.  His? sister was HUGE!  Between the two and a tiny Yorkie, they ate the whole cake, and it wasn't a small one.  Between that, and Canon harrassing her, that was enough for Caprice as far as celebrating.

Canon graduated from beginning novice obedience class last night.  He'd be so great if he had a handler who would practice with him.  We're going to continue with intermediate classes, as well as start a puppy agility class in April.

Going back a few days, to March 10, I commemorated Rondo's passing with Tibetan prayer flags hung in the backyard.  It surprised me how hard it was to work on them, when I had planned this for so long.  There were lots of tears in my eyes as I worked.

What else is notable this month?  I started working with a trainer, Brandi, and actually went to the gym, which I hadn't visited since August.  It would be nice to be stronger, more fit, and yes, to lose weight.  I think my posture has suffered with my lack of fitness.  It's hard to believe it's been about eight years since I seriously worked out.

Julie's next to last chemo was the end of this week.  There is something to look forward to there.

Presbyterian Hospice Daffodil Days this weekend.  I think hospice programs are a wonderful and needed service. The help (even though it wasn't Pres) meant so much to me when we were caring for my mother.


Friday, February 5, 2010

An Odd Movie/ An Odd Review

Tonight we watched the movie Pumpkin  and I'm going to have a hard time describing it.  I can't for the life of me figure out what caused me to order it from Netflix.  I don't know who I could recommend it to, although I liked it, mainly because I can't type it.

It's a parody, a satire, a comedy, a drama.  It's a parody of a snobby sorority girl movie, girl finding herself, triumph of the downtrodden, love story.  A California sorority girl serves as a mentor to a "challenged" athlete, finds the young man to be the only one who understands her, ending her romance with Ken, the tennis star, and encountering the disdain of her university, sorority sisters, family and Pumpkin's mother.

It's campy and "thinky" with lots of witty dialogue.  The scorned and embarrassed boyfriend dramatically drives off a cliff, becomes wheelchair bound, yet becomes the good guy, who coaches to the challenged athletes to victory.  Our Pumpkin becomes the hero of the day and walks off with the girl, who asks him, "Is that metaphorically or literally?"  Pumpkin is too simple to understand this and the film leaves us wondering about the couple's future.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0265591/

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Look into My Tiles

I think almost everyone has looked for images in the clouds-- the puffy rabbit, the elephant.  Since moving into this house, I've looked into my shower tiles.  I find a new image every time, but there are also some old favorites I look for every day, ome that I find familiar and comforting.

The tile on the left is my dog tile.  Most importantly, in it I can find poodle images, one in which I see Rondo's head, another a sitting poodle.  Another tile I consider my "DeLayo" tile, in which I can see the nice, big, broken Italian nose of one of my father's closest friends.

Am I strange, or just admitting or noticing what others won't or don't?

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Poodle games are good for people, too.

Today Nancy brought over the agility tunnel she had bought for the dogs to use during their play dates.  At first no one was interested in going through, even Jasper, who has been doing agilility for awhile.  With liver treat enticements thrown in, Roxy and Canon soon followed.  Roxy earned the speed record for going through, especially when she developed the zoomies near the end of our time.  Canon  quickly learned to U-turn, and then claimed the tunnel as his cave, a better place to hide from Jasper than between someone's legs.
Caprice, as usual, was the cautious one.  I had to start slowly- giving her a treat in front of the tunnel, then placing it near the entrance.  Throwing it in the tunnel invited the other three dogs to dive for the treat, so I did the only thing possible.  I crawled into the tunnel.  Mind you remember that this is the middle of winter.  We had a snow last week, and the snow was still melting and the ground was wet.  Slightly colder and muddier than I was before, I crawled midway into the tunnel offering a treat.  Do you think having a big human in there deterred the other dogs?  Before I knew it, Canon and Roxy were all over me, looking for a goodie.  They had no inhibitions about getting on me, over me, and past me.  It paid off.  Caprice came for me, got her treat, and moved along to the exit, again, right past me.  Slowly, as my 60-year-old body took me, I backed out.  As I got to the end, again, dogs swarmed me, looking for liver. I think I was yelling and laughing at the time.  It had been awhile (perhaps a long time) since I got silly and enjoyed a genuine laugh.  Nancy took her turn in the tunnel.  More agile than I, but still greeted by poodles and laughter.  That's her in the picture.

Nancy was kind enough to leave the tunnel so I could practice with Caprice with less distractions.  Later in the afternoon, Michael and I achieved success, and it only involved crawling halfway in once.  Two times through, and that was enough for the day.  A day of poodle games for the dogs, and Nancy and me.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

So what have I been doing lately?

  • Watching grey skies and wondering if anything is going to come down
  • Sniffling
  • Thinking about what to write
  • Reading mysteries
  • Moving two objects on my desk and then putting off cleaning it
  • Loving my dogs
  • Playing Facebook games (maybe I'll make another promise to quit)
  • Cooking- I made some edible gluten-free French bread (I said edible, not wonderful)
  • Thinking about friends having a hard time
  • Watching too much TV (but I'm glad American Idol is back)
  • Looking for a chiar for the living room (but at least I bought some new pillows for the couch)
  • Avoiding laundry
  • Taking naps
  • Drinking tea
  • Wondering what I could do/say to make me seem more vibrant
  • Reading and writing e-mail
  • Enjoying cozy days at home
  • Making lists

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Childhood Memories

Not my memories this time.

Coincidentally, and usual for me (nonfiction is not my first reading choice!),  I finished reading two memoirs last night.   The first was Nonno's Monkey by my book group friend, Isabel Bearman Bucher.  The second was Stitches  by children's book illustrator David Small.  Isabel's is about her childhood with her Italian-born family's life in this country.  Small's is in graphic novel form, telling of his upbringing by a radiologist father who unknowingly  caused his son's cancer and an unbalanced, unloving mother.  Very different families, but similarities exist.

Isabel writes about her family with love, yet also with childhood resentment.  She's resolved her issues with her mother, who didn't know how to act like a mother, yet shows how she felt about this as a child. She writes about how her family directed her, pushed her, embarrassed her--all childhood feelings.  It was foreign to me, her life living in the country with extended family, but familiar as well.

Small's family life was, perhaps, more like mine-- urban, middle class, but more foreign emotionally.  As a child his father treated his asthma with radiation, which eventually caused cancer.  He had surgery, which damaged his vocal cords, without even being told about the cancer.  His mother was always angry, distant.  He eventually discovered she was a lesbian.  His father was always working.

Both resented their families.  The wisdom of age has mellowed and resolved this resentment, but the childhood anger clearly shows.  I supposed I feel like this too.  I regret not having close relationships with my parents, and know I resented my mother's treatment of me.  (Nothing bizarre, we just didn't get along.)  I'm wondering know how common this thread is; how many people do have some anger or resentment towards their treatment as a child or relationship with their parents.  For a long time I thought that others all had ideal family relationships and I was odd.  So many women are good friends with their mothers, while I never had that.

When did a book review turn into being about me?  A bit heavy for my blog comeback.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Why I haven't posted in a long time...

  • I'm lazy.
  • I have nothing to say.
  • I have so much to say I don't know where to start.
  • I'm unorganized.
  • I'm spending too much time playing computer games.
  • I don't have any good pictures to go with what I write.
  • I just haven't!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The First REAL Snow

The weatherman predicted snow last night, and I didn't know whetherto believe him or not. I did, however, peek out the window when I got up in the early morning hours, and sure enough, it was there. Not just the dusting that we've gotten now. Not feet (or many inches) deep either, but enough to call a real snow. I was sure Canon would be interested, and the evidence of it was little pawprints going back and forth.

Would Miss Caprice be interested enough to get her dainty feet wet? Morning play was a romp through the snow, chasing each other. That pesky Canon got rolled over in the snow by his big sister and didn't seem to mind a bit. He laid under her in the snow not seeming to mind a bit. Canon is used to being on the bottom with a strong female on top.
The play was followed by a snack-- snow!
































Monday, December 21, 2009

I like to write about things that make me happy. This was one. On Sunday we hosted a brunch/poodle play date for our poodle friends, Jasper & Roxy and Mr. B. and their people, Nancy & Jeremy and Carmen and Mark. The south sun bathed us in warmth as we watched poodles play and ate.

I've always envied parents, who make friends through their children. We have made new friends through our children, even though they wear curly, furry coats. Roxy is, of course, Canon's sister, and Mr. B was in our puppy kindergarten class at Evi Fox's. All three pups have the same birthdate. The white ones are always thrilled when Mr. B walks into class, and he likewise. The three will also be in the novice obedience class together, as well. Caprice and Jasper formed a "friendship" before the pups were home.

Ahhhh. Dogs!


Sunday, December 20, 2009

Night/Morning Reading

It's 1:30 a.m. I can't sleep. The dogs are stretched out between Michael and me, Caprice at my feet, Canon between our heads, feet almost in Michael's face, head at my pillow. He is breathing quickly and loudly. Is anything wrong? I pet him, kiss him, rub his tummy. He groans a bit, slows his breathing, but then goes back to his sleep panting. I wonder if the little wound at his nose is infected. Does he have a fever? I lie there, and lie there, and lie there...
Might as well get up for awhile, I reason. Actually my reason leads me to the kitchen to taste the pineapple cheesecake I have made for my poodle play group brunch in the morning. Back to bed. Still can't sleep. I pick up one of the books on my nightstand, Doug Koktavy's The Legacy of Beezer and Boomer, even though I know it will be a tear jerker, as it is about the author's experiences with the illness and death of his dogs. I cry as soon as I open the book and look at the introduction. I see Ana mentioned, and Julie. I smile thinking of them--just for a moment, because the tears are rolling. By now I am sniffling too, probably louder than Canon's breathing.
Up again for a Kleenex and a good blow. Why on earth did I think I could handle this? I'll write about it in my blog.
I feel my way to the office in the dark, so as not to wake Michael. (How could he be asleep with all this action?) Canon follows me. I sit on the floor and pet him for a short while before I move to the computer, he to seemingly quietly sleep on his pillow, although as I look at him, I see his chest quickly moving up and down. As I watch him, I think of how much I love this fuzzy, white creature, and tears fall again.
The urge to write about Beezer and Boomer is not as strong now. Maybe I'll wait to write more after I read more. If I can read more.