Why Can't We Speak English?

By law she should be taken out and hung,

For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue.

One common language I'm afraid we'll never get.

Oh, why can't the English learn to set

A good example to people whose

English is painful to your ears?

There even are places where English completely

disappears. In America, they haven't used it for years!

                           -Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady

I'm afraid I'm as much of a curmudgeon as Henry Higgins, who'd be appalled at the way people speak in this part of the country (and it may well be in other parts, too). 

Vwels disappear or become interchangeable.  Pens become pins and vice versa.

G is perhaps the most left out consonant.  We're goin' and jumpin' and singin', but where is Mr. B?

I'm by no means perfecto, but lazy speech bugs me. 'nuf said.